• He’s never going to actually “hang up” a telephone.
• Trip over a telephone chord from the wall
• Probably will never play a Super Nintendo
• Take a picture from a Polaroid camera
• See a Minnesota Sports team going to the “Ship” (har har har… not funny)
• Answer a phone without knowing who’s calling ahead of time
• Hang out at an arcade for the day
• Having to time your day out to catch a television show rather than on demand
• Knowing SPAM as something you eat, not annoying marketing fluff

Spam or Spam?

• Having a pen pal, or writing letters to friends.
• He’ll  never buy Hallmark cards to send rather than e-cards with dancing elf’s.
• Taping Shows on a VHS Player
• High Speed Dubbing - Remember mix tapes? ha ha!
• Developing film and physically shuffling through a stack – even sorting them into picture books.
• Watching MTV for the music not the smutt they show now… (how old do I sound now??)
• Going to the Library to check out a book, not just for the internet
• Manually spell checking a hand written paper
• or how about spelling class? Do they do that anymore?
• Having to choose smoking or no smoking at the restaurant
• Buying a soda for $.50
• Scrounging for a quarter for the pay phone to call home
• Ever knowing what a dial up tone sounds like…

Can you think of anymore?? I don’t consider myself old by any means but so much has passed between the two of us and our age.

Funny thing is when we hang out I do realize he’s still a preteen but it doesn’t seem to affect our communication much. I talk to him as if he were one of my peers… for the most part I guess.  It’s just very interesting that we come from such different places (age, home town, friends, experiences…) but even we can find things in common!!

Hopefully we can make it to the barn this weekend…

For instance, the other day we were asked to represent BBBS at an event called the Federated Challenge. It’s a two day event put on by an awesome couple, Al and Cathy Annexstad,  who are huge advocates of one on one youth mentoring.  They bring some pretty prestigious names to this event.  The event consists of a black tie dinner and auction the first night and a golf event at Interlachen Country Club the next.  Last year, 2008, the group raised something around $2 Million with 100% of the money raised going to directly to charities.  BBBS is a huge recipient of this generosity.

When ‘little’ and I were asked to represent BBBS I was pretty excited.  I thought it would be a great opportunity for ‘little’ to experience.  It was.

The day went off great.  I went to pick him up, and after telling him numerous times to dress up for the event, he still came out in cargo shorts and a NBA T-shirt… not to belittle the NBA of course…  I sort of new that was going to happen so I had arrived about 25 minutes early.  We quick ran over to target and I got him some dressy clothes.  He wanted to look like me so he picked out black pants and a white button up shirt.  We got him a clip on tie and he was sure to let me know that he preferred the bow tie as opposed to regular.  I was really happy with that decision and I may or may not have been a little jealous.  After suiting him up real nice, he was bummed he didn’t get a sports coat like mine, we headed down to the River Center in downtown St. Paul, a pretty classy place, and headed in.  When he saw the Limo’s pulling up, and the doorman with his ridiculously tall top hat and cape like coat, he got really nervous and told me he kind of wanted to go home.  I was kind of surprised but when I gave him my big white sunglasses to wear and told him they made him look super sharp, he seemed to get the courage necessary and we made the jump inside!  When inside we went over instructions there with the 9 other matches (8 ladies and 1 other male group). The gal leading us around was very serious, we had a good laugh at her expense, which I sort of felt bad about but it really loosened him up! We were supposed to first socialize with the attendees for an hour while they browsed the silent auction items.  We got cokes at the bar and I taught ‘little’ how to wrap the napkin around his glass so his hand didn’t get cold.  Apparently that’s a trick because it took him about a half hour to get down.  He was satisfied when he did!

Courage!!

The whole time  we were walking around ‘little’ was wearing my sunglasses and he looked cute but hilarious at the same time!  People would chuckle when we would walk by but they would immediately engage the both of us.  He was pretty embarrassed but warmed up as the night went on.  He got used to the attention and I think even started to relish it a bit.  He’s quick to analyze a situation and take it for what it is.  I couldn’t help but watch him walk in and out of the crowd and have major benefactors to this great program have their attention directed toward him.  I could only dream of the possibilities if we could talk to these influential people, get connected, and open so many doors for ‘little’s’ future (relationships, scholarships, jobs… i know he’s young yet but still).  I didn’t think he would understand when I told him my thoughts, I tried, he interrupted, and let me know he wanted to go throw the football around… ha ha.  Oh ‘little’ if you could just see the benefits of being young, amicable, and outgoing now you could reap the benefits for the rest of your life!

Studly Do-Right

After the silent auction we handed out roses to all the ladies as they headed into the wonderfully decorated main dinning room, where the live auction was to take place.  We also got to eat. We had a delicious meal.  First we had a Caesar salad that came with a hunk of Parmesan cheese and our own personal shredder, and the main course of fish, and beef, with asparagus and carrots stuffed into a lemon peal, if you can imagine such a thing. It was wonderful.  ‘little’ was utterly confused by the excess of silverware.  I explained it to him and he followed my direction but it was pretty humorous.

After dinner was over all the littles walked around the tables (probably about 500-550 folks in attendace) and collect the donation sheets.  ‘little’ was assigned 8 tables to attend to.  When people held up their completed sheets he was supposed to run around and collect them.  It was so funny because people from all over the room were seeking him out and motioning for him to go and collect theirs and I think some of the other matches thought he was impeding on their territory. He was of course.  He was zipping all over the place though!! It was obvious that he had made an impression during the silent auction where people remembered him and sought him out because he set himself apart from the pack.  I was so proud of him.  He absolutely remembered his P’s and Q’s, said thank you, and your welcome and yes ma’am, no sir…

As the live auction started up we were released to a separate room for a quick debrief and then were sent on our way.  We had the option of sticking around if we so chose but he wanted to go to the park and throw the football around so bad  i just couldn’t say no.  I wasn’t bummed but I saw some great opportunities for ‘little’ slipping away.

Seriously I’m asking for thoughts here if you have them.  When do I draw the line of trying to open up opportunties for ‘little’ and treating him like the 11 year old that he is?  This may sound way to intense intense or that I’m a maniac about the situation… i’m really not, but I want him to do the best he can and give him every oppotunity I’m able.  I know I’m just a mentor… not a father, counselor, preacher etc. etc.  Am I supposed to just let the chips fall where they may, should I continue to tell him these are great opportunties and try to explain the benefits of following through, should I just throw the football with him whenever he wants and wait for him to let me know he’s ready to do such things, or is he just way to young to even be thinking about such things??  I just know he’s a great kid, with fantastic opportunities at his feet and I have no idea how to help him realize it.  I know I don’t know much, but I do know this.  I can’t make him do anything. It all has to come from within himself and he has to want to be apart of what it is that his dreams may be.  I just want to help him the best I can.

I’m not pushing him at all, and imagine this has to be a long process.  He needs to appreciate what a scholarship, a relationship, a good job opportunity actually means and the benefit it could bring.  We need to start at much more of a base level and I suppose that’s what we need to work on… any advice.

I can only imagine what my parents thought of me when I was a kid and pushed them away when they tried to help me out. ha ha REALITY CHECK!! I’ve had a lot of those lately!

You must be this tall to ride this fire engine!

I have two friends that are police officers (my college roommates) and another that is a firefighter in St. Paul.  ’little’ has always, since he’s been young, (yes he still is) wanted to be a cop which I totally support and think is great.  We’ve been trying to plan a mini ride along/police department tour and it hasn’t worked out with all of our schedules.  As I was trying to get it together again a few days ago ‘little’ interrupted me and told me he’d rather head to the fire department instead for a tour.  Now this may sound weird but since we’ve been hanging out all the time, and I’ve become so fond of ‘little’, my parental instincts kicks in major and my pride overflows… yes I read in to the situation way to deep.  I immediately think “ALRIGHT!! He’s thinking of his future and how he can start now on reaching his goals!!”  Then he opens up on what’s really going through his mind and outright says “I don’t think they have the poles to slide down at the Police Department… ha ha reality check, he’s 11 years old and I should realize that. I just get so excited and I can’t help it.

Right when we got to the FD the ambulance was just returning from a call. We watched them, lights flashing, back into the garage.  ’little’ was already hooked! My buddy hopped out of the ambulance (he’s 6’4 about 285) and came right over to ‘little’ and greeted him with a firm handshake.  When ‘little’ was asked his name, I’m pretty sure he forgot it for a bit because he couldn’t respond for about 10 seconds. HILARIOUS!!

Fits like a glove!

We went walking in and out of every ambulance and fire engine they had.  We got a fire hose wracking demo, we got to try on very over sized fireman’s jackets, talk to the chief, called into dispatch and had them set off the tones in the station, checked out the living quarters/work out room/kitchen/rec room, and best of all get some majorly great advice!! This was my favorite parts.  Most of the firefighters saw ‘little’ and gave him a wave and a smile, but that was about it.  When we went to talk to one of the veterans on the squad, he immediately warmed up to ‘little’ and starting laying the advice on thick.  ”‘little’ you have to stick around positive people man, you have to strive to be a better person.  Don’t listen to those kunckelheads (verbatum) on the street, cuz they just tryin to drag you down ‘little’.  You don’t need a ton of friends, you just need one… one that thinks like you, is positive and makes you a better person.  I didn’t learn that til I was about 27, you can start now, start early, and be an amazing person.” ‘little’ was awed by the old seer!!

I asked the fireman, with a wink, “how important is it that you do ALL your homework at school? Is that pretty imporant, especially if you want to be a fireman when you grow up”

Without skipping a beat,  ”Knowledge is power ‘little’. People can take away your car, your house, your money… they can’t take away knowledge and that is what homework is all about.  Very important to get that done.  Tell you what, you do all your homework from now until you graduate highschool, then you come and visit me and we’ll have a good talk.”

‘little’ didn’t know what to do with himself, jaw wide open, and a blank stare in his eyes. He was so embarrassed and overwhelmed with all the attention being poured on him. It was a great sight to see.  ha ha  We said goodbye and went to check out the fireman pole.  Turns out you need to be 18 to go down the pole so we got to look down the hole but that was as far as we got.  It was still pretty neat!

The tour was great, ‘little’ was awed, and he is determined, for now, to get all his homework done!

I can’t express how proud I am of him! It was fantastic!

Two Peas in a Pod

You know where this is going.  Well maybe not.  Everytime I hang out with ‘little’ I’m always blown away by how innocent he is.  Of course I’m still not really used to being with a preteenager for an extended period of time and sometimes expect him to act as if he were one of my peers.  When we’re together though, I don’t really have to check myself, it just suprises me that some situations tend to be more tame/kid friendly naturaly.  His deameanor really leads our events to have these certain characteristics.  His jokes are elementary, his manner of speech is light and joking, not cutting or crude, and the path that his mind takes most of the time is optimistic and excited rather than reaisticly scared or pre judged.  It really is a pleasure.  I wonder if all it takes is exposure to such characteristics to pick those up, or if he’s naturally a good natured person?? hmmm…

Well this specific post doesn’t involve the two of us together.  It was actually inspired by a wonderfuly invovled big Erin Annie. She commented on a previous blog post about how when we’re, alone (without our ‘little’s) we are much less concerned about safety.  When we’re with our little’s, in the car for instance, every noise, every creak, every weird movement scares us.  We’ve become protectors and guardians, as we take these young children under our wings.  It puts life into a whole different perspecitve and makes me realize that I really can’t be totaly who I am when I’m around ‘little’. I can be myself as far as character and personality but I have to by way more responsible and understanding that I have his life in my hands.

Even further than that, when I’m not with ‘little’ I need to act a bit more grown up than I usually would.  That means so many different things (one less drink at the bar, only going 5 over the speed limit rather than 10-15, being more punctual, and being more friendly and outgoing around other people… they could potentialy be a connection that could enhance my relationship with ‘little’) I could go on.  I seriously think about him all the time.  It affects me way more than just hanging out with him and building our relationship together.  Turning in homework was a bit of problem this school year and so I’ve really stressed a good work ethic, and being responsible through our relationship. Since I ask that of him, I have to expect it from myself.  This may sound trivial but since our match I now try to go to bed at a more reasonable time so as to be fresh and at the top of my game for work the next day.  I don’t want to slack off while I’m asking someone else to work their hardest.

I have to be the change that I want to become, and ultimately what I want ‘little’ to emulate.  I certainly don’t want him to become who I am, I want him to be the best he can be, but I want to be the same things that I’m asking him to be.  So far, so good.  I’m proud of him, and the small changes that I’ve seen over the last 3-4 months. (respecting my time more, not acting out around me, not cussing, and my favorite, becoming much more patient and considerate of other people)

The funny thing is I don’t think that I would have matched ‘little’ and I together, coming into this whole thing blind, but I don’t think Big Brother Big Sisters could have done a better job.  Thanks a ton guys!  It really has been an eye opening experience.  I’m super excited to continue on.

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