For instance, the other day we were asked to represent BBBS at an event called the Federated Challenge. It’s a two day event put on by an awesome couple, Al and Cathy Annexstad,  who are huge advocates of one on one youth mentoring.  They bring some pretty prestigious names to this event.  The event consists of a black tie dinner and auction the first night and a golf event at Interlachen Country Club the next.  Last year, 2008, the group raised something around $2 Million with 100% of the money raised going to directly to charities.  BBBS is a huge recipient of this generosity.

When ‘little’ and I were asked to represent BBBS I was pretty excited.  I thought it would be a great opportunity for ‘little’ to experience.  It was.

The day went off great.  I went to pick him up, and after telling him numerous times to dress up for the event, he still came out in cargo shorts and a NBA T-shirt… not to belittle the NBA of course…  I sort of new that was going to happen so I had arrived about 25 minutes early.  We quick ran over to target and I got him some dressy clothes.  He wanted to look like me so he picked out black pants and a white button up shirt.  We got him a clip on tie and he was sure to let me know that he preferred the bow tie as opposed to regular.  I was really happy with that decision and I may or may not have been a little jealous.  After suiting him up real nice, he was bummed he didn’t get a sports coat like mine, we headed down to the River Center in downtown St. Paul, a pretty classy place, and headed in.  When he saw the Limo’s pulling up, and the doorman with his ridiculously tall top hat and cape like coat, he got really nervous and told me he kind of wanted to go home.  I was kind of surprised but when I gave him my big white sunglasses to wear and told him they made him look super sharp, he seemed to get the courage necessary and we made the jump inside!  When inside we went over instructions there with the 9 other matches (8 ladies and 1 other male group). The gal leading us around was very serious, we had a good laugh at her expense, which I sort of felt bad about but it really loosened him up! We were supposed to first socialize with the attendees for an hour while they browsed the silent auction items.  We got cokes at the bar and I taught ‘little’ how to wrap the napkin around his glass so his hand didn’t get cold.  Apparently that’s a trick because it took him about a half hour to get down.  He was satisfied when he did!

Courage!!

The whole time  we were walking around ‘little’ was wearing my sunglasses and he looked cute but hilarious at the same time!  People would chuckle when we would walk by but they would immediately engage the both of us.  He was pretty embarrassed but warmed up as the night went on.  He got used to the attention and I think even started to relish it a bit.  He’s quick to analyze a situation and take it for what it is.  I couldn’t help but watch him walk in and out of the crowd and have major benefactors to this great program have their attention directed toward him.  I could only dream of the possibilities if we could talk to these influential people, get connected, and open so many doors for ‘little’s’ future (relationships, scholarships, jobs… i know he’s young yet but still).  I didn’t think he would understand when I told him my thoughts, I tried, he interrupted, and let me know he wanted to go throw the football around… ha ha.  Oh ‘little’ if you could just see the benefits of being young, amicable, and outgoing now you could reap the benefits for the rest of your life!

Studly Do-Right

After the silent auction we handed out roses to all the ladies as they headed into the wonderfully decorated main dinning room, where the live auction was to take place.  We also got to eat. We had a delicious meal.  First we had a Caesar salad that came with a hunk of Parmesan cheese and our own personal shredder, and the main course of fish, and beef, with asparagus and carrots stuffed into a lemon peal, if you can imagine such a thing. It was wonderful.  ‘little’ was utterly confused by the excess of silverware.  I explained it to him and he followed my direction but it was pretty humorous.

After dinner was over all the littles walked around the tables (probably about 500-550 folks in attendace) and collect the donation sheets.  ‘little’ was assigned 8 tables to attend to.  When people held up their completed sheets he was supposed to run around and collect them.  It was so funny because people from all over the room were seeking him out and motioning for him to go and collect theirs and I think some of the other matches thought he was impeding on their territory. He was of course.  He was zipping all over the place though!! It was obvious that he had made an impression during the silent auction where people remembered him and sought him out because he set himself apart from the pack.  I was so proud of him.  He absolutely remembered his P’s and Q’s, said thank you, and your welcome and yes ma’am, no sir…

As the live auction started up we were released to a separate room for a quick debrief and then were sent on our way.  We had the option of sticking around if we so chose but he wanted to go to the park and throw the football around so bad  i just couldn’t say no.  I wasn’t bummed but I saw some great opportunities for ‘little’ slipping away.

Seriously I’m asking for thoughts here if you have them.  When do I draw the line of trying to open up opportunties for ‘little’ and treating him like the 11 year old that he is?  This may sound way to intense intense or that I’m a maniac about the situation… i’m really not, but I want him to do the best he can and give him every oppotunity I’m able.  I know I’m just a mentor… not a father, counselor, preacher etc. etc.  Am I supposed to just let the chips fall where they may, should I continue to tell him these are great opportunties and try to explain the benefits of following through, should I just throw the football with him whenever he wants and wait for him to let me know he’s ready to do such things, or is he just way to young to even be thinking about such things??  I just know he’s a great kid, with fantastic opportunities at his feet and I have no idea how to help him realize it.  I know I don’t know much, but I do know this.  I can’t make him do anything. It all has to come from within himself and he has to want to be apart of what it is that his dreams may be.  I just want to help him the best I can.

I’m not pushing him at all, and imagine this has to be a long process.  He needs to appreciate what a scholarship, a relationship, a good job opportunity actually means and the benefit it could bring.  We need to start at much more of a base level and I suppose that’s what we need to work on… any advice.

I can only imagine what my parents thought of me when I was a kid and pushed them away when they tried to help me out. ha ha REALITY CHECK!! I’ve had a lot of those lately!

I quick drove over to ‘little’s’ house after work and was somewhat disappointed that neither he nor mom were there at the appointed time.  I talked to a fellow at the house and he was making an honest effort to get a hold of them to figure out where they were.  After about 10 minutes on their front porch ‘little’ pulled up to the house with his aunt and we took off right away.  He seemed pretty excited.  I’ve never been in charge of someone his age (being the youngest of four in my family) and I instinctually grabbed for his hand as we walked across the street.  I don’t know what brought me to do it, but that physical contact wasn’t alarming at all for ‘little’.  I didn’t even ask him.  He really has no idea who I am except for the half hour we spent a few days ago with mom and match coordinator at their house.  I think that if a stranger had grabbed my hand when I was his age I would have been a bit frusterated.

Because of BBBS rules ‘littlehas to ride in the back seat of the car so he hopped right in, threw on his seat belt without me asking and we were on our way.  He wanted to listen to the radio so I flipped in a Citizen Cope CD (the closest thing I have to rap or R&B, his favorite) and we drove on.  He was kind of diggin the music.

We didn’t stop talking the whole way to the Dome.  It’s incredible how easy going he is.  He’s a very curious boy and doesn’t hold back on any questions or comments.  I’m not sure how normal this is because I’ve never really hung out with a 10 year old kid on an extended basis before.  I have no idea but I absolutely love it.  He seems so incredibly innocent.  For example, while we were driving, ‘little’ looked at me through the rearview mirror and said “Joseph, are you mixed”’.  I was pretty sure I knew what he was asking but I asked him to explain what he meant by ‘mixed, and he replied “you know half black, half… something else??”

“Nope ‘little’, I’m all white. How about you, you mixed??”

“No, I’m black.”

While we were talking he mentioned that most his mates at school were either latino or african american and that there really weren’t that many caucasion people that influenced his life. 

We got to the stadium and had to walk about a half mile, there really isn’t much good parking around there.  little’s wearing a walking cast because he broke his ankle a month ago.  I asked him if he wanted a piggie back ride and he was delighted to take me up on my offer… turns out 80lbs get’s heavy after a quarter mile!! ‘We’ labored on.

I had brought t-shirts and markers so we found a bench outside and went to town on our designs.  We both put the TC symbol on the front, just like the players, then I added ‘Big’ and 1 to the back of mine, and he put ‘little’ and 1/2 on his. I was glad that he was so gung ho about the shirts.  He loved filling in all the letters and making sure everything was centered.  They certainly were no works of art but this really got him excited to head inside.  It was pretty hilarious.

The Artist!

A woman that was sitting near us was commenting on how great of an artist he was, he seemed proud. The woman, it turned out, had cerebral palsy.  She saw that I had my camera and offered to take  pictures of us while we were working away.  When ‘little’ saw that her hand was a little cramped up he asked, without hesitation, “what’s up with your hand?” His question was completely straightforward and curios.  He honestly saw something that set this woman apart and wanted to know what the difference was.

The woman quickly responded, obviously a bit shaken that he was so forward with his question.  She explained that she had CP, and had had it since she was a child, but that she was much higher functioning than many others.  She loosened up pretty quick and said that she was happy to explain to ‘little’ what set her apart from other people.  It was interesting to see how he disarmed her so quickly but at the same time softened her up which allowed her to speak so freely and turn a potentially awkward situation into a learning experience for us all! Simply amazing how ‘little’ surprises me around every turn… and we’re not even into the game yet!

We went into the game and found our seats, 15 rows behind home plate!! ‘Little’ seemed unimpressed, or indifferent I suppose, would be a better word there.  I wonder what he would think about sitting out on the home run porch (way out in the outfield).  We got some cotton candy, and ‘little’ cordially offered everyone around us a handful.  They all declined but gave me a quick passing smile of surprise and delight!

The game went just fine.  He wasn’t super familiar with all the rules so as the game was going on I explained them as best I could, which is harder than one would think, conveying these rules to a 10 year old. 

One thing that he did enjoy about the game was the heckling of the opposing players.  The interesting thing was though, that every time he would say anything out loud, he would look at me out of the corner of his eyes to see if I approved or not.  He certainly has respect for me as an adult, a mentor, and I couldn’t be happier about that.  There was one point where he said something that certainly wasn’t a four letter word but was a bit more crude than what was appropriate and I told him ‘no’.  He sort of hung his head and was quiet… for the next 30 seconds, and than got right back into it, appropriately of course. He’s such a good kid!  I certainly don’t want to be a disciplinarian in his life, because I don’t think that’s what he needs, and I don’t think that’s what I’m called to do, but I do have to take a stance and set my boundaries.  This way I believe our relationship will be so much stronger.  OH MY GOSH I SOUNDS LIKE MY PARENTS HA HA HA!!!

I’ve been going to twins games for dang near 15 years now, and never has a foul ball come with in 2 sections of me, nor have I gotten on the big screen.  In the8th inning a ball landed three rows behind us, and between the top and bottom of the inning ‘little’, along with my torso, got on the big screen.  If this kid ever goes back to a game, I can only imagine he’s going to find it a little lame.  ‘Little’ was pretty excited about all that but nothing beat the end of the game.

Twins Game

The Blue Jays tied it up in the 7th and no offense came of it until the end of the 11th when Joe Crede knocked in Justin Morneau for a walk off double!! It was ear piercingly ecstatic inside the dome!  Everyone went nuts and ‘little’ without really knowing what was going on, got all caught up in the hysteria of it all!  We ran over to get some autographs, and saw Justin interviewing on the field but he ducked right into the dug out before we got a chance to get to him.

I gave ‘little’ a piggy back all the way back to the car and we recapped the game the whole way.  The ride home was pretty uneventful on the way home.  He was playing with my camera and giving me play-by-plays of the video he had shot until we pulled up to his house.  At this point he could barely contain himself. When we got in the house he couldn’t decide which part of the night to tell mom and he was fumbling all over the place. He needed to go to the bathroom but was to excited, made it half way, turned back, and grabbed the cotton candy to give to his mom, than ran off.  Mom was excited to see his reaction.

Overall I couldn’t believe how the day went sooo smoothly. Super exciting, full of new fun events, great communication between the two of us as well as with others… I have so much to build upon, and so much to be excited about!!!

As far as future get together, I think we’re going to take it easy for the next few meetings. Maybe we’ll  read a book, play some video games, throw a ball around etc. etc.  I want to get to know him on more of a personal level.

I’ll keep you guys posted! Thanks for reading, I know that was a long one.  I have so much more…

I asked her if she would like to be involved with BBBS, not with my little but with the program in general.  Without hesitation or a blink of an eye she shot out a’no’.  I was kind of taken a back because I had thought that the orientation, although long, was very intriguing.  Toots being the heart felt caring woman that she is I thought this would be right up her alley.  Before I even had a chance to ask her what brought on that response she carried on with “I have a thirteen year old ‘litte’ myself that I should be spending more time with.” She was referring to her little brother that she sees maybe once or twice a month.  Wow that made a lot of sense. 

This got me to thinking.  Why do I need to join up with this large not for profit organization to have them pair me with a ‘little’ that I could potentially not get along with, he could have a family that tries to take advantage of me, it could be a larger time commitment than I initially thought, etc., etc.  The biggest thing is that I don’t want to bite of more than I can chew and leave ‘little’ high and dry, which is probably worse than not doing anything at all.  Of course I wouldn’t abandon him, but am I really cut out to do this? Plus, I already have friends that have children in need of a male presence in their life.  There are so many ifs invovled here.  I needed to get down the real question.  Who am I really basing this decision off of?

I can make the time, there’s no question about that.  I can see my friends and their children whenever I want, they’re very accessible especially if I make the effort. And I really want to base my decision off of my community.  What is going to be the best decision for the whole.  The ultimate reason that I’m doing this is I want to get involved, I want to  meet other people with similar ideas, I want to know the not for profit horizon better than I currently do, and I want people to learn from my experience and hopefully encourage them to be the catalyst for change in anyway that they see themselves fitting in. All in all, I want to learn how to love better, through patience, understanding, and kindness. I think BBBS is going to be the best fit for what I’m looking for.  So I’m basing this decision off of the future little that I will be involved with and I’m basing this decision off of LOVE.  I want to jump into the volunteer world but i need to take it one step at a time, and the first one is going to be this kid.  How can I serve him the best that I can, be the best role model that I know how to be, and affect my community in the way that I know how?  We’ll figure that out along the way I guess, as long as I keep love in my sights.  

Toots and I agreed that this would be the best fit.  I haven’t had my interview yet, schedualed for the 2nd of March, so it’s coming up, but I can’t really see why this wouldn’t work (how naive is that going to look in 2-3 months ha ha).  Still I don’t know what to expect but I’m getting more and more excited as the process goes on.

 I think that i’ve been lead to this conclusion slowly but surely and that I’ve found the right place where I can kick my initiative off.  BBBS it is.  Here I come… well I guess I have to go through the interview first…