Task Oriented

Posted on November 25, 2010 by admin

‘little’ and I have a very unique relationship. I’m always amazed by how blessed we are and how many people seem to want to invest in our relationship. Often times folks have tickets to events or suggestions on cool functions that we could attend. We almost always want to partake in all of them. Wild Games, T-Wolves, Twins, horse back riding, Wild Rumpus readings, BBBS specific events… etc. The awesome thing is that neither of us would normally go our experience these things but our relationship together and the relationships that we’ve been building along the way with new friends has opened up so many doors and we couldn’t be more thankful for all of this generosity. As everything in life though, I think we need to draw the line and keep a balance.

Let me explain… The purpose of our relationship together is a few fold I suppose, but what we take from it is that we are good friends together hopefully trying enrich each others life. I’m in a position where I’m friends with a 12 year old and I happen to be a little older and a little more experienced than he. I’m not a counselor, a teacher, a financial shoulder to lean on, disciplinarian or parent… i’m merely an older friend who happens to have a vested interest in how his life turns out. I certainly could be all of those things listed, but I choose not to for the sake of our relationship/friendship, and that he already has people in his life who fills those rolls. Also, from my experience thus far, if I specifically do not try to fill these other rolls he’s much more apt to open up to me and feel safe telling me things he may not tell others. What a position to be in eh?

I’ve discovered something else in our relationship that has shaped/is shaping our future together and is of great interest to me. When we choose to participate in event after event (almost always getting free entrance or special VIP type experiences) he seems to have an aire about him that I don’t particularly care to see and turns me off from wanting to hang out or spend time together. Of course I know he’s better than that, I really love him, and he doesn’t mean to put me off so I want to work with him, or at least try to explain, with our without words, that his actions and words make me feel as such. To explain what it feels like, he gets something of an entitlement feel to him as if being a ‘little’ through the BBBS organization affords him experiences that others don’t get and that he deserves these special treats. I’m not sure if that is what he feels specifically but he’s much less cordial (please, thank you, excuse me, etc.) than he normally is when we are together. He also expects me to purchase food, or extra experiences like games, merchandise or apparel for him. He doesn’t push it when I say no, but he know’s that I’m not his personal bank.I find that these experiences, although fun and engaging on a particular level, are not always the best option for us to take as far as our relationship is concerned.

A few things that I want to instill in ‘little’ is a sense of responsibility through small accomplishments. Through our numerous times together, it’s become obvious that when our activities involve accomplishing something (raking leaves, mowing the lawn, even changing oil on my car) he feels a drive to finish these things, learn how to do it best, and relish the experience of achievement. They no doubt are small achievements in most perspectives but not to him. I’m not sure why he feels like this, I suppose I can make plenty of assumptions, but honestly it doesn’t really matter to me. What does matter is that he is telling me through his actions that he likes these activities, as do I, and that we can enjoy them together. BONUS!!! They’re healthy experiences where we both can learn something and enrich each other and our relationship together.

For instance, the locking mechanism on my back door at my house has seemed to disintegrate and no longer works. The dead bolt works fine but this task of fixing the lock has been on my to do list for sometime. I asked ‘little’ if he’d come and help me out. He of course, feigned a ‘yeah sure’ with the least interest a 12 year old could possibly have… and came with me to get the lock, get it rekeyed to fit the current set of keys, and headed to my house. I put the new lock and the a screw driver on the table and said let’s get at it. He dove right in and didn’t let me touch anything without letting out major protest. I gave him a little direction but he was determined to get it done. I’ve never changed a door lock before but it was pretty straight forward. It just took a couple screws removed, take the knobs off, remove the bolt action, replace all pieces with the new set and screw them back in. He may as well have just won the lottery… ha ha his smile was larger than life, his interaction with me was one of a peer, rather than a 12 year old to a 26 year old, and his interactions, responses and questions for the rest of the evening were dripping with confidence.

I couldn’t be more proud! What a great friend I have!

First Time Camping

Posted on August 3, 2010 by admin

Camping with 'little"

I’d like to start this story from the end and move backwards a bit. On Saturday, when we had arrived home, and ‘little’ was utterly exhausted and taking a nap on my couch, I was setting up the tent in my backyard to clean it from our night of camping. My neighbor came out and hollered at me, “ … a little backyard camping, eh?” It really made me think. This may sound a little confusing, but if I had to do it again, and I didn’t know how absolutely awesome ‘little’ would be over the trip as a trooper and legit camper, I would have set up shop in the backyard rather than headed to Wild River State Park in North Branch area.

That being said, let me start at the beginning. The only REAL camping that I do is up in the Boundary Waters where I need to park, canoe in a few days and canoe back out. I’ve been to a few state parks (William O’Brien, Interstate and Lake Maria), and every time I’ve camped, the campsite is LITERALLY right next to my car. I park, get out and set up shop in a few minutes. Really not that big of a deal. I just sort of figured every state park was like that since that was my experience … ha! ha! Not the case in this instance. When I went to reserve our camp site, the few that I had been to and was familiar with were full, so I picked the next closest one. Turns out that the site we had reserved was at least a two-mile hike from where we were able to park, and it wasn’t anywhere near water, which we were sort of banking on.

Now, ‘little’ really had no expectations about this experience. All he knew was that we were going camping, which he had never done before, that I spoke really highly of camping, and that it was one of my favorite things to do. Since I thought we were going to roll right out of our car and plop our tent down, I didn’t pack appropriately for a two-mile hike with a 12-year-old and all the necessary equipment. When we learned of our situation, we had to re-tool all of our gear and only take in what we needed. I have no issue hiking, but I knew it would be a distance. I didn’t think ‘little’ would have an issue, but I was nervous. After the fact, I really can’t speak highly enough of how well he handled himself. He didn’t complain one bit, whereas most people would. We took several breaks when he got too tired, but every time, he was ready and raring to go when we got back up.

Once we found our site, he helped with everything we did. Setting up the tent, foraging for good firewood, getting a fire ready to burn at night … all things he had never had the opportunity to try before. He approached every new task as a learning experience and wanted to be involved intimately. He pointed out every animal we saw on our walk back to the river area (2.5 miles) and wanted to know what sort they were and everything about them. Like every self-respecting man, I had to make a TON of stuff up … ha! ha!

By the time we started to make our way back to our site for dinner, the sun had set, and the foliage was thick enough that it was pretty dark. I rarely take into account that he’s 12 – not that I treat him as a peer, but his age isn’t something that I think about – until he acts his age. He got pretty scared on the way back. He wasn’t sure what “mean animals” could potentially be in the forest, so he questioned almost every noise. If I started a conversation about something that he was interested in, he would forget about being scared and enjoy himself and our walk, but he would quickly snap back when we were done chatting. One of the most amazing things happened half-way back, though. As we were walking, he made sure to keep close by my side, close enough where he kept cutting me off as we were walking. All of a sudden, he grabbed my hand and held it for the last 15 minutes of our hike. I felt bad that I had put him in a scary situation, but it really was an amazing bonding time. He wasn’t so terrified that he wanted to leave; he just wanted to be by my side. When we made it back to the camp site, the flash light needed to be on the whole time, and I couldn’t walk too far away. Once again, though, when we had a task (lighting the fire and tending to it, cooking the food over the fire, and chopping some more wood) he was completely fine. It was an amazing time with him and brought our relationship to a whole new level. A few times, just to be sure, I asked him if he wanted to take off and head for the hills. He would have none of it. Such a trooper.

He really couldn’t get enough of preparing the camp site, cutting wood (probably his favorite part), starting and tending the fire. I’m so glad he was enjoying himself. For dinner, we cooked up some delicious pork chops and grilled potatoes. We ate it in fine guy fashion … no separate dishes, all thrown together and slurped down, juice rolling off of our chins. It was amazing and delicious.

Delicious!

We both crashed pretty hard in the tent. We had a quick conversation about the day and how it went. I was happy to hear he enjoyed himself, but he couldn’t make it through recounting the whole day before he crashed. It ended up raining pretty hard that night, and we woke up to a very healthy thunderstorm around 3:00 or so. He wasn’t scared at this point but, instead, was more in awe and curious. These times always make me appreciate teaching people new things and sharing my joys with them! We woke up at 5:50 … check that, ‘little’ woke up at 5:50 a.m. for real and made sure he got me up as well. Ha! Ha! I was really bummed that everything was drenched in the morning because one of the best parts of camping is the food, and we had a great breakfast of bacon, eggs, hash browns, hot chocolate and coffee planned. Alas, with the massive amounts of water EVERYWHERE, it wasn’t possible light a fire, so we took off. Turned out to be the right amount of time at the right camp site with the right ‘little’ on the right day. We had a great time.

When I got back, someone asked me what I had learned from the experience … interesting question, I thought. My answer: I’m so glad that I didn’t limit ‘little’ to what I thought he could do. He far surpassed my expectations and really inspired me with his determination. What a great kid!

Guys Night

Posted on June 15, 2010 by admin

101

As long as ‘little’ and I have been together I liked to keep our get together’s somewhat private. Of course if we were doing something that needed to involved other people that was fine and from time to time that invovles bringing one of my friends in the mix but for the most part I like to keep our relationship pretty private. I guess it’s because I’m somewhat afraid of what effect someone else will have on him, or how he will do around other people. What if he acted up, or what if he didn’t like my friends, or maybe he would clam up and wouldn’t enjoy himself. Even though we’ve been together for a year plus to this point I still feel as though our relationship has a ways to go. I suppose all my relationships feel that way. I’m always growing with everyone I am with, be it old friends or fresh folks.

Tonight was a bit of a milestone in the department. I’ve always thought about surrounding ‘little’ with solid folks. I’d like to place influential people around and people of very good character (maybe to make up for the lack of my own…) so that he sees what awesome people are like that they live normal lives too. Not to say he doesn’t have awesome people in his life already because he certainly does but what’s a few more??

I know that he likes basketball so I brought him over to my good old highschool friends house to watch game 6 of the Celtics v. Lakers NBA game. What a disaster that was. There are three brothers that live in this house. One teaches english for a school in downtown Minneapolis (taught 3 years in Belize before that), another started his own clothing line and spent substantial time in South America in a business type role. The third worked with a tough crowd of kids on the south side of Chicago for a couple years before coming back here to get his masters in counseling. They are great guys and they are everything you would expect out of three brothers, who actually have an older one who lives in Wisconsin, and no sisters. They are tough, competitive, not giving of an inch if you didn’t earn it, but fun, loving, caring, and very sarcastic. Interesting combination of traits.

The funny thing about my perception of ‘little’ is that because I never had younger siblings mostly how I expect him to act is maybe how I would have acted in similar situations at that age. I was quiet, not to shy, but reserved and perceptive. Not ‘little’. Although sometimes around strangers he takes a while to warm up, this time he walked right in and was totaly in the mix of things. We were certainly going to a Boston supporting household and when I announced that there was a Lakers fan on the premises they gave the little all sorts of guff. He took like water off a ducks back… no problems. He even, to my suprise gave it back to them by rattling off Kobe Bryants latest stats, and breaking down the deficiencies of the Celtics. Now there were a few holes in his arguments but just the fact that an 11 year old had an argument to stand out blew my mind.

To be honest I really wasn’t as interested in watching the game, and i was intested, as I was with the outcome of this social experiment with ‘little’ being around my ‘grown up’ friends. There were a few times that I thought he was a little more forward than I he should have been, espeically being the newb in the group, and a few times he interrupted when he should have sat back and listened, but again that’s me putting my own self image, something he certainly is not, onto him and expecting him to act as such. All in all I was very happy with his candor and the reactions that he solicited from these fellas. He certainly was a boy amongst men but a boy he is for now.

As always, this kid as so much potential to be an amazing man.

-a very impressed ‘big’

Volunteering/Networking… you bet!

Posted on May 20, 2010 by admin

Another rediculously exciting outing!! Big Brother Big Sister put on another stellar event. ’little’ and I went to a Saint Paul Saints game with BBBS, match coordinators, other bigs, and tons of little’s.
I almost don’t even want to talk about the event because like all the others it was another suprisingly (although maybe it shouldn’t be suprising anymore) exciting event.
Our match coordinator had us fill out this mini survey when we got into the game and she asked us what we were most excited about. ‘little’ and I had already discussed this so he was ready with his answer, “we’re going to shag a foul ball .” It was so matter of fact. He had no hesitation and his face was so full of… faith, I think. Of course we got a foul ball, he was extatic about it but at the same time almost expectant. He always wants the best and it always seems to come through! I think I have some major lessons to learn from this kid. I swear if I had as much blind faith as ‘little’ I could bring peace to this whole world!!
When we got into the stadium BBBS had some activities for us to partake in before the game actually started. There was a juggling area. We looked at each other and just new that there was no way that we were both leaving that night without mastering this seemingly useless skill. That’s right, he juggled through the cycle (all three balls) without dropping one in five minutes. I was absolutley overjoyed. We added in tricks to our repetoir for the next 20 minutes or so. ’little’ may not be particularly interested in reading or math but if you give him something that he can accomplish that he’s excited about there’s no doubt that he has the patience and ability to get the desired end result. I was beaming for the rest of the night!

One of the great parts about this evening was the chance to hang out with other matches and delve into their relationships. ’little’ and I make a pretty decent social team together and we go the chance to ask and discuss tons of questions to figure out what worked for other matches. What the enjoyed to do together, how there match was going, if they had any suggestions, etc. etc. It was really fun because I’m trying to get the point across to ‘little’ that if you’re nice to

Opening Up

Posted on March 20, 2010 by admin

How flattering it is to be able to open up to people and tell them about your life and even more so when the opposite happens? To have that level of relationship where you can entrust part of your private life with someone close.

The other day ‘little’ and I had a man to man(boy) talk. He told me about his try at a relationship. Classic grade school stuff. ‘little’ has the hots for a girl in his class, and from time to time he’ll give me the scoop. Those conversations only come about if I really dig to hear about what he’s up to. This time he came at me with it straight! You won’t believe it… he wrote her a “You wanna be my girlfriend? Circle Yes or No” note, and has been contemplating it for sometime. This was definitely premeditated and thought out, unbeknownst to me. ha ha He was so serious about it too. I had to suppress a laugh when he initially told me but when I realized how serious he was and he was opening up, I quickly sobered my demeanor.

A little background: from what I’ve gathered, this gal in his class is new this year. She moved here from out of town. She’s smarter than he is (so says ‘little’), a bit taller, they ride the same bus, they shared candy on Valentines day, they haven’t said more than 10 sentences to each other (my favorite fact), and she is REALLY cute. That’s about all the info that I could glean over the past few months. Oh, they’re both in the 5th grade as well.

While we were recently hanging out he came out with it. He told me about THE NOTE (again, suppressed laughter). In all seriousness he told me that she wrote back on the reverse of his note, and said “NO, I don’t like you like that, but I think you’re really nice and I’d like to be friends.” He looked at me and said, “you know, I think I like that. I think this will be really good.”

I was so proud of him. He’s sort of a shy kid, around me anyhow, so when he told me that they were talking a lot more after his pitch. They’ve sort of broke down a wall by staking claim to their friendship and are enjoying each other a lot more. I told him I was really excited and impressed with how he dealt with the situation. I told him that I was happy with how respectful he was of her response and that it takes maturity to deal with it like he did.

It was very apparent that he was glad to talk about this with someone and get this off his chest.

He’s never opened up to me like this before. That conversation felt so ground breaking. He’s actually coming at me with his life. He’s not asking my advice but he’s willing to talk about these things. I’ve always wanted to have this relationship but after failed attempts to help him open up I chalked it up to his youth and figured I’d try again after more time spent together. I couldn’t be more excited that he’s willing to tell me these things on his own now.

This will be amazing. I have a lot of things I want to talk to him about, as our relationship progresses and this is a great stepping stone. What an amazing boy! I’ll keep you posted.

Winter in Minnesota!!

Posted on February 1, 2010 by admin

I love Minnesota! Some people say that its too cold, and they can’t belive they haven’t moved south already. I look at it as, when it’s hot outside, it’s hot and there’s nothing you can do about it. When it’s cold you can always dress for the weather. Plus the snow is so beautiful! There’s just something about that cold crisp air too. It feels so clean.

Ever since the temp has dropped here, I’ve wanted to share my love of the north star state with ‘little’. I really want to go skating with him. It’s perfect because I’m not very good at skating, I started a couple years ago, so we can learn this wonderful sport of hockey together. He wants to go skiing, but I think that may get a little expensive to get into. There really just isn’t anything like being able to defeat the Minnesotan negative degree weather by skating around outside. Especially when it’s so cold outside and you’re skating so hard all you need is a sweater. I love it and I can’t wait to bring ‘little’.

In order to get him excited about trying this new activity I brought him to the US Pond Hockey Championship over on Lake Nakomis in Minneapolis. It was about 10-15 degrees out so not to bad. We watched the 40+championship game. They were pretty rowdy (probably more rowdy than any 40 year old should be) and ‘little’ really liked that. Our adventure there elicited the exact response that I was looking for. He’s really excited to try skating. I hope he has the perseverance and interest to keep it up. I really want to share my new found love for this sport with him.

NHL Bound

We stayed at the pond hockey for about 45 minutes, but ‘little’ doesn’t own any boots and his feet were freezing. We took off a little earlier than I wanted but it ended up being great. On our way home we passed by the airport. ‘little’ seemed pretty excited about the planes. I remembered when I was a young lad, my old man used to stop on the frontage road so we could watch them take off. Turns out ‘little’ digs that. There’s a state park right there that we parked at and sat on the car to watch the plane fly by. It was a good time for me to grill him on school, family, friends… He never divulges any deep info (he’s 11) but I just want him to know that he can always come to me with stuff if he wants.

Plane Spotting

He hadn’t eaten breakfast so I brought him to his first greasy spoon diner experience. We went to Mickey’s and had the most delicious pancakes ever. His eyes got about as big as the pancakes when he had his first bite! I mean, all they do is basically fry them in a pound of butter. SOO GOOD!! I always try to push him to say thank you and please when we’re out. He starting to do it on his own now, so he asked me if he could thanks tothe cook (who was making the food right in front of us) and I said sure. Say, “Compliments to the Chef” when she comes by. He did. She was confused and it didn’t really go over very well. ha ha, pretty hilarious though. Oh, it’s the little things in life that’s gets us by wouldn’t you say??

The Mickey's Diner Experience!

Yet again, another exciting, eventful outing with ‘little’. I’m just trying to remember what my life was like with out him…

Car Wash Experience!

Posted on January 25, 2010 by admin

I can’t believe how easy it is to integrate ‘little’ into my life. Although often times when we hang out it’s for a good majority of the day, which I prefer, sometimes we just have quick outings and they can be a blast. For instnace, do you remember going to the car wash with your folks when you were young and being so intrigued by the process? The machines were great, the car looked great, something was being transformed before your very eyes and the result was gorgeous… okay maybe most of you don’t get that excited but I certainly do(did). The other day I needed to get my car washed and pick something up from the grocery store. I hadn’t seen ‘little’ for a week or so and was just driving by his house. I have a good enough relationship with both he and his family where I can just drop by. I did, and asked if he’d like to go out for an hour or so. We ran over to the store and got what I needed. We both enjoyed a delicious Honey Crisp apple (the best!) and headed back. It was a great time to catch up, see how his week was, what was up with school and drop him off again. I got a little bit of an update on his love interest too. They haven’t actually spoken yet, but he thinks she may be smarter than he is. The jury is still out on that one. I’ll fill you in on the details with this later. It’s still developing!

On our way home we quick got gas and swung into the car wash. He was enthralled. I’m not sure if he’d never been in one before but he got so excited. It made me excited and somewhat disheartened that I have sort of lost that youthful excitement about such little things(pun intended). ‘little’ was VERY concerned that we had all of our windows up so we wouldn’t get wet! I told him it was his task to make sure we were safe from that danger. I think he really likes it when I give him tasks so he doesn’t have to just watch and observe. It’s obvious that he prefers having some sort of ownership in whatever our activity is.

Usually a car wash is a burden for me because I’m headed somewhere. I really need to get my priorities straight…

When we got home he told all of his siblings what we had done and he was proud and excited to lord it over them. ha ha what a punk!

Young ‘little’ and Fiscal Responsibility

Posted on December 21, 2009 by admin

First of all I need to say I can’t get enough of hanging out with ‘little’. Our relationship has progressed so far and I am so proud of him. Last Saturday he came over to my house for a hang out. I picked him up around 9:30 and we ended up together all day. We really didn’t have hard and fast plans. Just hang out. I told him I need to change oil on my car soon and he suggested we get it done that day. (I swear I’m not enlisting him to do my chores, it’s just the way the conversation goes sometimes) What the heck! It was cold out but we turned on the old propane heater in the garage and set to work. This is his second time of helping me out. He got right to work as if he knew exactly what to do. Everything went well, I gave him the necessary tools, and loosened the nut when he couldn’t. Other than that he did it all by himself. I stupidly enough didn’t check over his work (he’s 11 years old) as close as I should have and we found out the hard way that he had screwed in the oil filter a little cock-eyed. Trust me, check it. 3.5 quarts of oil is a lot harder to clean off the garage floor than you’d think. ha ha O well, we weren’t going anywhere so it was no big deal and we had a good laugh about it. My girlfriend called when we were almost done with the car and I asked her how close to 3,000 miles she was. I was stunned when she knew off the top of her head. I had no idea she payed such close attention to those details. She was within 150 miles. I asked young ‘little’ if he was down for another car and he was. We drove over, did the exchange, came back and zipped her car out too, sans oil spill.

After a hard mornings work we went inside, I whooped up some Venison Hash, a real hardy mans meal, while he played games on my computer. We decided to sit down and watch a netflix movie. By the way, it’s really hard to pick a movie when you have to consider the fact that you’re watching it with an 11 year old (man, the things that I learn through our relationship due to being the youngest for four in my own family). Now judging from the movies that he and I have talked about before, I don’t think his filter is on too high when it comes to choosing, but still, as long as he’s watching it with me, it will be an 11 year old appropriate movie. We looked in the action section and found Karate Kid. He wasn’t overly excited about it until I explained the Crane to him along with demonstration and what that scene meant to all men between the ages of 22 and 30.

Crane (the move of the century)

We gorged ourselves on the venison and sat back and watched the movie. WOW! Movies today are so different. The character development and story line are so much more relied upon rather than constant action. I loved it… ‘little’ liked it too but I could tell that it was just barely keeping his attention. I couldn’t believe it but when we were mid movie he actualy took a bunch of pillows and threw them between the two of us and leaned on my shoulder to rest. No kid has ever done that to me before. There was an honest trust between us that he was able to do that. I still don’t even know what to say about it….hmmm. Really cool and heart warming. Alright ** shift in my seat/clear throat** back to manly food eating and movie watching… It was great and he was jazzed by the marshal arts. We both got up at the end, practiced our wax on/wax off technique, did a few cranes and I brought him home.

Now it’s question time… ‘little’ doesn’t really have to much of an idea on how money works. I want to show him that he put in a few honest hours of work and that I appreciate it. Now I kind of get the feeling that Big Brothers Big Sisters doesn’t want money to come into our relationship (gifts, allowance, presents, etc.) but I don’t think this really falls under that category. I don’t want our relationship to turn into me providing him with work and him making money (boss/employee type relationship) and I don’t want him to expect me to be giving him money. I mainly want to sugggest that if he wants something, than he has the mind and skills to go out, set his mind to what it is he’s looking for, and honestly attain it. It doesn’t necessarily have to be money based, it could be applied to so many thing. (money/item, school/career, etc.). My plan is to pay him $10 for his help and actually give him $5 for himself, and set up a college account for him to put the other $5 in. I wonder what any of you think about that. I really fear money becoming a main stay in our relationship so I’ll try to really separate the two but I think it could be a great life lesson for him. He doesn’t have to rely on other people to give him what he wants, he can go out and acquire it himself. I know he’s young yet but I’m excited to get started.

Let me know what you think, or if you have any similar ideas of what it is that we could experience together along this same vein.

A True Gentelman Carving Pumkins and Mathematics

Posted on October 26, 2009 by admin

A True Artist!!

Pumpkin carving was a special day for ‘little’ and I. Especially for me. I was invited to a pumpkin carving ‘date’, if you will, with some friends from college and they hoped that I would bring ‘little’. Not only because he would have a good time, because all young kids like to carve pumpkins but also because they desperately wanted to meet him after hearing all the good times that we were having together. I just wasn’t sure because, first of all, I love my time alone with ‘little’ where we don’t have any distractions and we can talk man to boy, and we can enjoy our time together, but then also, secondly, I was afraid to see how he would act around my friends. What if he acted out, or was overbearing, or what if he was rude and ate all the food with out saying thank you, or what if he clammed up and wouldn’t talk to anyone… why was I being so pessimistic?? I love hanging out with him and am constantly surprised by how well he acts in public around perfect strangers. I have no reason to think that he wouldn’t be a perfect gentleman around my great friends. And that, he was…

Whenever we hang out I always want to push him a little bit to be cordial, which he always is, and kind, which again he always is. I like to impart gentlemanly characteristics on him too, which I think can get a guy pretty far in life. He seems to take well to it, and the awesome part was that my friends saw what I was doing with him and were very affirmative towards his actions which he reacted positively too. We were in charge of passing out the pie and as I would cut it and plate it, he was passing it out. I told him to serve all the ladies first. He did and I think he understand why. He’s 11 and understands the idea of chivalry. What a guy! He even made sure that he got the smallest piece so that no one would be left hungry. Wonderful!!

‘little’ is surprising adept at and interested in mathematics (this is going somewhere so read on). He even likes chatting about it which, I must admit, isn’t my strong suite and tough for me to converse on, but impressive none the less. He just learned a new multiplication method that I assumes is relatively new in the math world. It’s called Lattice Multiplication. It’s a new way of setting up the numbers and multiplying them in a manner that is a bit smoother than the traditional method (Actually that’s debatable, and is being debated in many parental/teacher circles that it is too cumbersome). At any rate, ‘little’ is pretty fond of it, which I think is pretty cool, and the other week was showing me the intricacies of this new method, unsolicited of course. He just busted it out. He seemingly could solve these problems all day and be totally content. What an anomaly in this day and age. I’m sort of bummed only in the fact that I’m more of literature guy, and less of a math guy, but then I suppose there’s room and time to teach each other what we love so much about the opposing (or is it complimentary) disciplines. But I digress. The reason I brought up the math was, because there were friends of mine who are grade school teachers in schools around the metro and I told them, with out informing ‘little’ first, that he had something to show them. So I busted out a pen (i think not using a pencil in the math world is a mortal sin but desperate times called for desperate measures) and paper and had him whoop up 2,894 x 314. He was happy and proud to show them this new method. Neither of these teachers had seen this method before so they wanted it explained to them, along with several more demonstrations, partly to humor ‘little’ and partly to actually learn it and compare it to their traditional method. Then I suggested we do a math race and one of the nerdiest/fun things of the night happened. For the next 20 minutes ‘little’ was leading a multiplications fest and was loving every minute of it. My, how easily amused we all are! It was hilarious and he was enjoying himself so much. Especially watching my group of 12 or so friends who haven’t used pen and paper to add, subtract, multiply or divide in 5+ years, polish up the old skill set. It was a rue pleasure. I was so elated to have ‘little’ out where there was no TV, no music/radio, no xbox or game cube, and just some old time fun and conversation. I think it was a really great situation for him to be in. I just wonder what his thoughts were. I imagine he doesn’t even consider what’s going on and just goes with the flow, but if he actually stood back and compared this situation to his everyday life, would he think we were crazy or would it just be normal?? Who knows, I certainly enjoyed it.

The Lattice Multiplication Method

Well we moved on to pumpkins, which he had never carved before, and had a great time. We baked the seeds and munched on those the rest of the night. My friends were happy to help him out with the deseeding process, and give him advice on carving techniques. The night all in all was a huge success! They were so happy to meet him, he was around some really good influence, and everything flowed as well as I could have expected it too! I love my life!

Of course as usual when he arrived home his siblings were awestruck when he walked into the house with a pumpkin with a face on it! I didn’t hear what he said to them but they were supremely surprised! ha ha, I wonder what they think of the relationship I have with their brother… I certainly enjoy it!!

Urban Cowboys

Posted on October 19, 2009 by admin

Urban Cowboy

The other day ‘little’ and I drove out to Lake Maria State Park for a hike around the lake and a tutorial on how to use a compass… ha ha. He was so good at it and it gave him such a purpose to walk. I often find that if we really hit on the PURPOSE of what it is that we’re doing ‘little’ is much more apt to get himself involved and stay interested **Note to self**. He really comes from the instant gratification generation, which I’m probably a part of as well, but we’re slowly working on that aspect of putting time into something and appreciating the work merely for the impending, albeit delayed sometimes, result. On our drive out to the Monticello, MN area we passed a bunch of farms with livestock. He was pretty excited to get out of the cities and have a different view. When we drove by a barn full of horses I was telling him about a few experiences I had when I was young riding them. He was sold immediately. “Joseph, we have to go riding soon!!”

I had no idea where to begin to look for a riding place. It turns out after polling my friends, that so many of them or their extended families had connections to horses that not only NEEDED to be ridden but would undoubtedly let us ride for free. One of the main ideas that I always try to stress on our activities is to not just go do stuff, but learn about what we’re doing and earn it, for lack of a better term. I don’t just want to bring him horse back riding and then head back. I want him to know about what he’s doing. What is like to take care of a horse, how do you determine a rowdy animal from a calm one, safety procedures… but most of all, what I was excited for us to experience together was to get to know our horses, feed them, brush them down, and really appreciate what they are. I thought that my attitude may be a little too ‘parenty’ and sucking the fun out of it for young ‘little’. Not the case at all. On his recommendation we brought apples and sugar cubes to give them, which apparently are two of their favorite food sources. When we went to brush them down he was sort of disappointied that we had to saddle them up and go for a ride. He enjoyed taking care of his horse, which was named Snap. He called him Ahhh Snap, which I thought was pretty funny.

When we first arrived and walked into the pasture we went to feed them our apples we had brought, and one of the horses who was supposedly calm and docile, bucked his head just a little. I think maybe he had a fly on his neck or something, but ‘little’ realized from that point that these beasts were a lot stronger than we were and they deserved our respect. He was a bit afraid when he realized this and remained extra cautious until he was reassured buy the barn hands that he was safe. Even then, he always made sure he had an out if they ever got rowdy. When I first fed one of them an apple about half of my honey crisp was consumed in one bite. He was scared that his hand would get bitten. I was so excited to see this transition occur in front of my eyes as we became more involved with them though. Through brushing Snap down to his obvious pleasure, riding him and understanding that the ‘horse’ preferred and was more comfortable being led around, and generally getting the feel for the demeanor of this beautiful animal ‘little’ became so relaxed and comfortable. By the time we left, you would have thought the kid was born on a farm… okay, not that far, but he was getting really comfortable and was super bummed when we had to take off.

It was such a great experience. The funnest parts for both of us were, stretching their legs out by trotting them a bit, climbing some pretty steep hills by gently coxing the timid animals up, and really getting a feel for a connection with them. I hope that we’ll have a few opportunities to head back there next summer.

josefbig

The adventures of a 'big' brother

Category Archives: ‘little’